sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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