At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
