..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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