do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
