think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
