God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize