he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize