These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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