looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
