i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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