Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
