I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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