I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
