Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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