btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
