OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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