Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
