she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
