I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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