sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
