When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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