I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize