in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
