it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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