Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
