This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
