I got chris browned last night
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
