matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
