I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
