it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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