Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
