youre lurking in front of me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
