I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
