btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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