We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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