You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
