i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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