you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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