you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
