I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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