no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think i have two assholes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My liver just had a heart attack.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
