Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
