Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
