Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
