Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize