I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
