It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
