dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
