He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
