i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
false alarm, still single
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
