we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
