if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
