Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
