I'm jealous of your bromance
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
operation have a gay friend backfired
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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