I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
