I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
