the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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