You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
