FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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