so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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