I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
