to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
