loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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