Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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