mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
