Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
