Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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