I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
