i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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