Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
