brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
