swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
