dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
