I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
