Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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