i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
