they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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