How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
