dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
