Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
