So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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